I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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