Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
