you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
