Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
