talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
