Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
