We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
