why didn't you poke me back
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Randomize
