You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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