I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
