You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
