She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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