mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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