just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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