got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
