I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
