I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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