My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
