Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
