my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
