I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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