yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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