Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
should my penis look like a turkey
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize