fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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