he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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