he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
