We're facebook friends in real life
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
