I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
