U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The best revenge is premature balding
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
