and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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