im having a threesome with these popsicles
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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