I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
