I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
