Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
