big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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