I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I will be naked everywhere
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i think i just lost a toe
Congratulations! We have a period
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