Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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