Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
