i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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