just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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