Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
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