dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
