Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
