Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they need to just BURY HIM!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
