nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
