god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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