Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
