So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
