I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
