ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize