Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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