I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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