Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
