you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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