She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
