did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
