I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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