So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
