loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
