not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I could have mohawked her pubes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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