She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
