THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
