your thong is hanging out like whoa
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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