Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So here I am, sexting at work.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
