Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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