Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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