What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
