Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Are my feet made of real feet?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
